A Dropout Psychologist's Dispatches
Reporting back from my travels around this little planet and the big many realms
Greetings from gloriously gloomy Glasgow, Scotland. So many unexpected and amazing things have happened recently in my nomadic journeys. I thought I’d take some time to catch you up.
MAY YOU LIVE IN INTERESTING TIMES
The fabled curse of wishing one to live in interesting times has arrived for many of us connected with the project of the USA. While this is no one’s favorite season (not for those of us with empathy or decency), this time was destined to come. A country built upon stolen land and lives, that does not heal from its past, will continue to consume more and more until there is nothing left to consume but itself. The tactics we are watching playing out, while unoriginal, are chilling. To target marginalized communities as a way to instill fear in everyone, and as a pathway to push through laws that will ultimately be leveraged against us all, is one of the first pages of the old playbook. But they have underestimated who they are messing with. Mess with our beloved trans friends and family and community members, and you have messed with all of us. Try deporting our community members, and meet the wave of resistance from us all. Cancel DEI? We are all coming together to cancel your profits. And get your nasty hands off our sovereign bodies.
A time of great change has finally arrived. In all honestly, we needed this moment. It’s like the low level infection has finally become a raging fever. We can no longer go on as we have been. What I find heartening is seeing the poetry in the change that will come from this time. No doubt this season is horrific for so many of us, and I’m not saying all is well. But I truly know when we come out on the other side (and we will), our realities will be more healthy and inclusive.
The way I see this moment, we who are connected with the USA are at the end game of unchecked greed. The remedy comes in creating what has been lost through chasing the myth of “the American dream”. Rebuilding communities is at the heart of this revolution. The time is now to meet your neighbors, start the community garden, learn how to live more locally, divest our attention from those who seek to profit off our social lives. Make an effort to follow people online who have completely different life experiences from you. Listen to their stories. Expand your awareness of the complexities of human lives. The time is now to ensure your loved one with the mental or physical disability is included equally in the plans, should they wish to join. Ride shares can make a huge difference for people with out reliable transportation. The time is now to hang your pride flag for the kid down the block you don’t even know, so they will see the flag on their way to practice, and know they are loved. We are powerful beings, and what we do matters. The time is now to shop at that Asian immigrant owned grocery store instead of the chain stores supplicating to those in power. There is SO MUCH we can do in the smallest of ways, which will bring the groundswell of change. WE are the change. WE are the revolution. They can’t win when we are less dependent on their systems. To gain independence from the oligarchs, we grow together. Do it awkwardly, and do it with fear you are doing it wrong, and do it only on the days you have the spoons for it. Do it while you are shaking. But do it. When we are all doing what we can, we are unstoppable.
And one more thing. Shake that thang! Dance in the kitchen while you are making your food. Sing loudly and out of tune to your favorite song. Go to that Comic Con convention. Build your lego jungle world. Sign up for belly dancing lessons online. Create that community theater. The revolution will be fueled by our joy as much as by our healthy and understandable rage. Rage lights the fire, but rage alone is unsustainable. Living with the joy we create is what will sustain us ahead. Do the weird thing. We are living beings, and so we must continue to live full human complex lives to remember what we are moving towards together. Sometimes your best self is eating potato chips in the bath with a $5 face max on, or walking barefoot outside to feel the soil between your toes while singing to the Tree Beings. Don’t make sense too much. David Byrne hath spoken.
The time for great change is here. The project of the USA was built on myths, including the myth of the individual who should be able to do it all alone. What a bunch of bullshit. The great mystery to me is how long this myth was able to exist. In reality, all lives exist in connection with all each other. This moment in the USA is OUR moment to reshape the future – building healthy inclusive communities for all is the way forward. These dipshits in power will have their turn raiding the cookie jar. There will be a season after of cleaning up their dumb mess. And along the way, we will completely restructure the ways we live and cooperate with each other, building resilience, and capacity for even more joy and wildness ahead and sustainable ways ahead. I’m here for it. And may boring times be knocking on our doors soon.
THE BEAR DEN CONTINUES TO GROW IN EXCITING WAYS
Why am I in Scotland, you may ask? Well the answer is very exciting! The Sacred Bear Den, my Patreon group, is holding our first retreat here in Scotland. And I’m sure it won’t be the last. We are gathering here from April 1-6. So just what is a retreat when led by a shaman who is trained in Mongolia by traditional shamans, but is not herself Mongolian? Well, this is part of why I am so excited for our retreat. There is no answer, because there is no precedent. Therefore, no one can tell me what to do. I am making this retreat whatever the heck I want it to be!
I began planning by reflecting on what real shamanism is. Shamans in Mongolia don’t teach shamanism in workshops, any more than dentists only teach dentistry. The role of many shamans is to hold a healthy energy space where EVERY member of the community is welcome to come and create more balance, integration, meaning, heart, and happiness in their own lives. And of course, the shaman also does the occasionally required divination, mediumship, or exorcism. Real shamans aren’t trying to make people think or act the same as we do. Ok, that’s not true. Some shamans in Mongolia have egos that require their own passports, and they chase validation. But the good shamans don’t need followers or fans. We understand our role is help people step more into themselves. We know everyone is on their own unique journey. Our responsibility to help clear the path, offer some healthy energy-mind-heart practices, and then step aside.
When I see the word “shaman” used in colonized spaces, often what I see is a perverse, inverse charade of real shamanism. The pseudo-shamanism I have seen often hints at a sense of elitism, as if being connected with a shaman makes someone different or better. The experiences I see offered in pseudo-shamanism carry an implied message about becoming more special, more different, better than others. It’s so repugnant to steal from a long standing cultural practice, and then completely mangle the true value of shamanism. There is also an element of escapism that I see in a lot of colonized spaces that use the word “shaman.” Good grief. Give me a break. And don’t even get me started on the unsafe energy and spirit realm experiences frequently offered by people who haven’t the first idea of how to safely navigate the other realms. Settings offering that pseudo-shamanism flapdoodle can make people more sick instead of creating a path to feeling better. That’s often why people find their way to me - to help undo what had been done in unsafe energy settings. But that’s a conversation for a different dispatch.
Real shamanism is not escapism or elitism. Shamans are just a resource available to all people. And yours truly, the shaman writing these words, is available for anyone who feels a tug to be a part of the space I offer, so long as they come from a good heart. As a shaman outside of Mongolia, I have people in the group from many different religious traditions. Because shamanism, as I live it, is not a religion. Catholicism and shamanism are compatible in my world. Shamans help people cultivate personal power, heart, and strength to live more fully and courageously in their lives. We help people connect to their own ancestors and celestial task force. Shamans help people connect to the power that already lives within each person’s heart.
So these were the thoughts that came to me when I started creating this retreat. I know I want to create a space that is safe, spirited, full of heart, and free of a need to be like anyone else who is with us. And of course, I want to have some fun along the way. I want to offer a space that is as inclusive as possible. A strength of the online Patreon group is how diverse we are. We are from all over the world, of many genders, and doing different lives. Some of us are parents, some of us are polyamorous (perhaps some are both). There is a bunch of neurodiversity in our group. Many of us live with horses, many of us have only seen horses on screens. There is no need to believe any certain dogma to be in the group. The retreat needs to bring forward this same spirit of embracing all who want to be here.
Carrying forward this spirit of the online group, this retreat has a few important rules. A first rule is that every retreatant can do whatever they want to do. Nothing is mandatory on the schedule. This retreat is a space outside of time for each person to pause, and listen in to hear what is right for them. Outside of regular routines, outside of regular relationship roles, everyone has a precious opportunity to pause and reflect on what their soul wants and needs. Perhaps instead of joining in a circle, someone feels like drinking tea alone in the room next door. Beautiful. Perhaps someone feels like taking an afternoon off to nap by a river. Wonderful. I’ve been to my share of retreats that force participation and group conformity, and I always leave those spaces feeling like I need another retreat to recover. This retreat will be different.
Second, this retreat will have a lot of downtime. Downtime for rest, integration, walking outside, conversations with new friends. In our slow and spacious setting, we will have time to listen in and hear ourselves in ways that are precious and rare in these modern times.
Third, and what goes without saying, is we support each other as each of us finds what fits for us. Everyone present will be aware that each person is creating their own sacred path. We will hold space for each other with no judgment, and no need for people to be any different than they are. This is the kind of space I want to create.
Now just what will we be doing? I do love to surprise people, so the schedule is currently tightly under wraps. Crafted together with my Sky Team, we will be doing a wide range of activities from quiet introspection, to connecting with spirits on the land, and more. Let’s just say it will be a … spirited… time. 👻
But I can share one activity, because it’s already been announced in the online group. Not everyone in the online group who would like to come to this retreat is able to attend. We are a close group, and I want everyone to feel included. So I will be holding a pendulum workshop one afternoon for everyone who is at the retreat, simultaneously with a meet up for group members online. This way, we can all gather together in Scotland. It’s been a fun month of messages on the group chat about the search for the perfect pendulum!
Now this is not your austere yoga or meditation retreat. Food is important in my ways, and if I’m leading a retreat, we will be well fed. Which is why we will have our own private chef, with a career much more illustrious than I deserve to have on my team, pampering us with grounding, nourishing meals, snacks, and treats.
The retreat will truly be something special. A space outside of time where each of us can connect in with our own self, connect with other wonderful weirdos who would like to add more sacred ways to their lives, maybe share a ghost story, and connect with our ancestors and guides. We will fill our cups, integrate our experiences, and return to our lives just a little changed. And we will hopefully return just a little more deeply integrated with our true selves.
No one knows what a shaman trained in Mongolia who is not Mongolian really does. And how lucky for me. I get to make my own way. And so I choose to hold space for connection, community, fun, integration, and remembering-practicing the magic that is the true nature of who we really are. And of course, plenty of delicious snacks.
THE SHAMAN AND DROPOUT PSYCHOLOGIST
I’m over the moon excited to share that I have made a film with Altantsetseg, one of my shaman mentors in Mongolia. This film was years in the making. Recording the footage was just the beginning of the journey. A major challenge was to have high quality translations for Mongolian to English. To find someone who could translate a less common Mongolian dialect was not even the biggest task. The much bigger quest was to find someone who could understand the ancient Mongolian spoken by the old spirit (Ongod) who possesses Altantsetseg and speaks through her. Even in Mongolia, few understand the language of the old spirits who speak through the shamans. I needed someone who could understand this language and speak fluent English. Maybe this movie had more than just me making it, because miraculously I found a translator who was amazing. But even still, when I was last in Mongolia, my nephew and I spent days shaping the formal English translations into a vernacular that was more conversational for the film. Getting this film to the screen truly was a group effort. I’m so grateful to the people I live with in community in Mongolia. They had the same passion I did to make this movie as good as it could be. There would be no movie without the genuine relationships behind the scenes. With no sponsors, and a budget of nothing, this project truly was a labor of love. Perhaps I had some help from some invested invisible forces as well. 😉. I hope all the sacrifice of time and effort was worth it. To be able to bring you into my world in Mongolia is worth everything to me.
I am currently taking the awkward ride of applying to film festivals. As soon as I have completed that journey, I will make this film more widely available. I will keep you all updated about online screening parties from right here!
For now, I will share this little teaser of the film description:
THE SHAMAN AND DROPOUT PSYCHOLOGIST (2025)
Filmed in Mongolia, this documentary is an intimate portrait of an elder female shaman named Altantsetseg. We have rare, complete access to be with Altantsetseg as she prepares for, and goes into a shaman's trance. Much of what is known about shamanism focuses on objects and rituals, because that is all the uninitiated can see. But shamans see with much more than their eyes alone. Many sacred healers within indigenous and native communities are still following the ways of the ancestors. Uniquely, this film was written and directed by first time filmmaker Frances Ulman, who is also an initiated shaman, and a mentee of Altantsetseg. Previously Frances was a clinical psychologist in the USA, but left it all behind when the spirits called her onto her path. This is a film about a shaman, directed by a shaman. The close, personal relationship between these two women from different parts of the world is the alchemy of the film. It allows us into spaces within shamanism others have not brought to the screen. The weaving of similarities and profound differences between Altantsetseg and Frances emerges as an exploration of shamanism and much more. We see decolonisation as an action, the power of relationships, the wisdom of a living drum, myths of western psychology, and ways of balancing living sacredly with cellphones. Living in a world that doesn't always remember, here we are shown a way home to our hearts.
This film was made following the Shaman 95 Filmmaking Manifesto:
“This film is a living being. The film creates itself.”
• No pre-filming script
• No second takes
• No alteration of light and sound beyond what is natural, or already present on location
• No outsider film crew: All filming is done by those who are also on camera participating in the actions captured on film
• No false relationships: The main people on screen have longstanding and genuine relationships with each other off screen
• No false situations or reenactments: All situations, actions, and objects are part of the regular life of a shaman and those in community with shamans
• No pretending that humans made this film alone
A CHANCE ENCOUNTER
In October of last year in California, I found myself on a stage channeling a message to Warwick Schiller from his horse, Chance, in front of a couple hundred of people at the Journey On Summit. Now if you know me, you know I generally like to keep it understated and serene. But when a horse gives you a message to deliver, and tells you it is important that you give the message precisely when he signals it is time to share, well…. Sometimes you just go with it. Now this is a pretty big claim I am making, but for once I have it all on camera. You can watch the whole interaction for yourself below. Aside from the nerve-racking experience of channeling Chance’s message live, this entire panel was a great experience. The topic was patience, one of my favorites. I had the great fortune (ok, we insisted) of being on the panel with my incredible friend, Sara Fleming. Some moments are hard, some moments are a joy. This was definitely an all joy moment for me.
Now for a bit of back story. A few days before, I found myself on Warwick’s ranch in Paso Robles for a little meet and great with all the other presenters. With the buzz of human energy permeating the air of the barn, I decided to walk towards the open areas behind to regain my center. I find I get overwhelmed quickly by the commotion of human interactions when the energy is not a match for me. I suppose I am more of a ghost-person than person-person. I quietly slipped outside, and watched my feet as they walked past many horses towards an enclosure farthest away from the barn. As I approached, an unknown horse turned from the woman who was stroking his snout through the gate, looked me dead in the eyes, and said (telepathically) “Don’t leave. I have something to tell you.”
Well, when a horse of such presence talks, one listens. I waited some distance away until the woman left, and then I was summoned over. This was Chance, I later learned. And he is no ordinary horse. Perhaps you know what I mean. All horses are special, but some horses are just spooky in their presensce – they can feel like a wise being coming in from another realm to help us poor souls stuck doing time in this realm. Chance told me he knew I was not familiar with horses and that I was a bit apprehensive, so he would meet me a few paces away, where the enclosure was a corrugated fence instead of the flimsy gate of a few bars of horizonal rails. He walked over casually and waited.
I approached, and he wasted no time. As he sniffed my hand and clothing through the fence, he told me he had a message for Warwick, and I was the person to give it to him. Chance told me that he would come to me and tell me when it was time to share, and I needed to deliver the message exactly then. I was told that time would come when I was not expecting it. Would I agree to deliver his message? Now I ask you - what you would do? Would you look this majestic, sacred being in his soulful eyes and tell him you had some hesitations? Here were my calculations about what to do. To be honest with you, I don’t know what I am in this life. But I have this gut feeling I am here to do something. And now, I don’t know exactly what that something is, but there are moments I feel I can sense the larger plan peaking through the veil. In those moments I feel no hesitation. And so I agreed. Chance delivered his message – clear and concise – and walked away. Another person had walked over from the barn to meet him, and he was happily ready to receive his next snout massage.
The time came as promised – in a very unexpected moment. A few days after this encounter, as I was waiting behind the stage to walk out for the Patience panel, Chance dropped in telepathically. He told me plainly that I was going to deliver his message to Warwick during the panel. And with that, we were called on stage. The rest of the story is recorded history. Chance is a once in a lifetime horse, and he carries a powerful message. I am happy to be able to share his message with you also, should you feel called to listen in.
Click here for full Patience panel video access
(With Warwick Schiller at his ranch in California)
SACRED BEAR DEN
Thinking about joining the Patreon group? It’s open to all who are interested.
Each month there is a new talk or guided practice, sound meditation, live online group meet up, and “Ask Me Anything”. All content except for the live meet ups is archived and made available in the Collections section. We also have a group chat on Signal, and occasional special workshops and readings available only to those in the community tiers. The Collections include:
Guided practices to ground, clean, and protect your energy
Spiritual Awakening Survival Guide
How to connect with your ancestors
How to improve communication with your guides
Strategies for protecting your energy
Talks on decolonizing your insides
And much more
There are two ways to join:
ONE. Content only tier: At this tier you have complete access to all upcoming and archived talks, meditations, guided practice, and more.
TWO. Community tier: To me, the very best part of this Patreon group is the community. Honestly, I am blown away by the amazing supportive group we have growing. Everyone brings their own wisdom and life experiences. We all support and learn from each other. This is not a group for shamans. This is a group held by a shaman, meaning it is my job to keep the group held in healthy energy with good protection. But we are from all over the world, and all different. Some of us have open sacred senses. Some of us are at the beginning of an awakening, and looking for support. Some of us don’t have open sacred senses. What we have in common is we all meet from our non-judgmental hearts, supporting each other as we each find the right sacred path for ourselves. The strength of the group is there is no right way to be there. I’m watching friendships grow, and lives shifting. We ask questions about how to talk with family, help with dream interpretation, and share our thoughts and feelings that have never had a place to be shared before. It’s truly a special place.
If you are interested in checking out this little group, you can head on over to my Patreon website.
In times like these, it’s all the more important to question everything you had been told was true. Never stop wondering about the infinite possibilities, magic, and ability to change that lives right inside of you. You are so much more powerful than they ever told you. So thanks for being here, in whatever form that is for you today. Because we need you. ❤️, Frances